Anonymiss in DC











{January 3, 2009}   Musings of a boring day

Cause everyone’s singin’

We just wanna be heard

Disappearing every day without so much as a word

Somehow.

Wanna grab a hold of that little song bird

Take her for a ride to the top of the world

Right now.

So picture this, because in a way, it says a lot.

I’m sitting alone in a coffee shop, at a table for four– my coat and scarf are on one chair, my purse is on another chair, my body is on the third, my feet are on the 4th.

I somehow ended up in a room that’s the preferred space for young married couples with overactive children.  And I love babies, but it’s just sort of too much for me to take in. It’s the kind of place that makes me realize that even though my biological clock is ticking, I just ain’t ready for apple juice and peek-a-boo on a full-time basis. Good god.

I’ve got headphones on to block out the toddlers making loud unsolicited noises. And though I profess to be concerned about damaging my ears, today, I have my mp3 player volume turned up to just below the max, and I popped on my “country” playlist, and I’m feeling totally comfortable admitting that this northeastern city girl is kind of sort of in love with good old, down-home country. 😛

And I feel contemplative, though not precisely lonely…but maybe a little.

My chai tea is getting a little bit lukewarm– ok– cold– and a subway train just went by, and I kind of wish an old friend would appear out of nowhere and whisk me off to someplace I’ve never been.

It’s weird to be in your 20s in the city. It’s the high point of your life, really. You’re young, you’re not covered in wrinkles yet, and you’re figuring out who you are and what you want to be. And I still could be, frankly, just about anything.  There are no rings, no mortgage payments, no babies, and I could go out until 2 am in the morning if I wanted and eat apple pie in bed and no one could yell at me. What else could a girl want?

But I’m not really satisfied.

The truth is, I don’t really want either life a 20-something should want.

I fear the bitterness of the city. And yet I crave the unknown. I want to go dancing, even though I absolutely cannot dance. I’ve never even been to a karaoke bar, and I love to sing. There are so many people I’ve never met and so many things to do.

I fear growing up, and I don’t want to  be married or have children. But I want to have something of my own that I can build and grow in and make a life in. I want people that I love close to me. I want to make some traditions of my own.

So what do I do with myself?

….

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Patrick says:

Aw man it sounds like you are having the quarterlife crisis I should be having right now.



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