Anonymiss in DC

{March 9, 2009}   Sucking at Life

Do you ever just think to yourself: “Wow, I suck at life?”

I don’t mean in a seriously depressed, I-hate-my-life way. I mean, like, when something completely ridiculous or crazy or stupid happens to you that you seriously doubt “happens to everyone”…and you don’t know whether to laugh or cry? 

I was just thinking about my always trying, in vain, to get my hair looking nice, my makeup perfect, my clothes flattering and in-style. I suck at it. It always seems to me like women my age wake up in the morning,  slip on these cute little work-and-happy-hour appropriate ensembles (complete with adorable-but-also-comfortable shoes), put on just enough makeup to look polished, but not overmade, and, then use whatever hair appliance necessary to make their hair perfectly straight or perfectly curled under.

I, however, feel like a disaster.  I get an F.

When I wake up in the morning, I feel like a zombie. I’m always trying to find something to wear, and even though I have tons of stuff in my closet, nothing ever seems quite right, and if it does, it’s either at the dry cleaner’s, in the laundry, or, oops– too wrinkled to wear today. And then I have to find shoes to go with it?! This may necessitate a complete costume change.

I try to get my hair to curl under nicely when I blowdry it, but frequently end up enlisting the support of my curling iron. If it looks flat and dull or otherwise generally out-of-control, I might try to straighten it. But it’s never the case that every piece of hair on my head is in place. Some random strand is curled out, when the rest is curled under or straight…you know, that kind of thing. It’s inevitable!

As for makeup, it’s in transit or nothing!

And then there’s the mishaps.

For instance, I just noticed that my shoes are making funny squeeky noises when I walk. Awesome. THEY’RE BALLET FLATS. Not exactly combat boots. And it’s not raining outside today, so it’s not like they are wet. So what’s that about? 

Also, about a week ago, I was psyched about wearing a cute little dress out for dinner until I sliced the hell out of my leg with a razor. Safety Razor, my a$$. Nowhere inconspicuous, of course– right smack dab on the front of my calf.  That’s hot! Who does that?!

So I guess I just have to own it: I’m the kind of girl who gets mascara in my hair while attempting to get it on my eyelashes, who’s perpetually battling static cling, wrinkled pants, deodorant marks on black, weird pulls/marks in pantyhose and, who can’t walk around the city in a pair of heels without tripping and/or falling. Ever. Really.

I’m amused, because what else can I do? 🙂

Carrie says:

Hahaha! You are SO not the only one. I have a pair of ballet flats that are developing a hole in the heel (as in the back of the heel, not the bottom) so they pop when I walk. At this moment, I have 5 (?) pairs of shoes at my desk in case the ones I decide to wear aren’t working out. I never wear make-up as it’s far too much hassle and I inevitably will poke myself in the eye with mascara. I tried to get contacts and now have a random dry spot in the corner of my right eye that gets irritated if I wear them. My hair never gets blown dry. It either does what it wants or I “tame” it with a headband. Really, my clothes are my saving grace and only then in the 2 weeks after my monthly trip to the drycleaners (they seriously laugh when they see me coming now with my basket full of clothes — I really should go more often.) So, no, you are totally not the only one. =)

Patrick says:

We all have those days, like the days I take a ridiculous way home that was a big waste of time, when I overpay for something but I just give up on trying to shop somewhere else- stuff like that.

I like to feel that we all learn from our experiences, so we don’t make those mistakes when it really counts.

anonymissindc says:

yeah, i think it’s just a part of’s little ironies, society-induced anxieties.. and my always being in a rush…:)

Rachel says:

I’m so with you. Today for example, I’m feeling really cute because I just got my hair cut, but it’s still falling totally flat. And I’m wearing low-ish pumps, but I’ve already got a blister on my heel because I’m usually wearing Uggs or flip flops. I wish I could be completely put together all the time and I hate those women that make it seem effortless.

Carrie says:

Here is the abridged rant that didn’t get posted because I forgot to enter my e-mail when trying to post last time:

Ok you are completely not the only one that “sucks at life.” My hair is lucky to see a blowdryer before I leave the apartment because I prefer to sleep those extra 5 minutes. This ended in my hair freezing, yes with actual icicles, at least twice this winter. Yes, twice. I did not learn after the first time it happened. Well I did for like 2 days then went back to the sleeping. I keep a headband in my bag in case my hair decides to be unruly that day. As for makeup, doesn’t happen. Concealer if I have a glaring zit but other than that, nope. Shoes. Ah shoes. I currently have 5 or so pairs under my desk at work so I can feel free to wear my metro shoes and not worry about matching my shoes to my outfit. I can do that at work! Clothes really are my only savior and only for the 2 weeks of the month where they’re actually clean. I swear my dry cleaner laughs when I come in because you can barely see me over my mound of clothes to be drycleaned. You are not alone in this. I think we all suck at life. =P

anonymissindc says:

yeaaaah…I need to find a place that sells shoes that look really cute but feel as comfortable as granny shoes. Oh, and they have to be affordable. 🙂 awesome. fat chance of that happening anytime soon. I can’t walk in heels– I am always tripping or getting them caught in cracks in sidewalks, or otherwise just walking funny…

i feel you re the haircut. There’s nothing like the DAY you got your hair cut…sometimes even the day after….and then you’re like “Ok, where is the person who did my hair and why can’t they be here RIGHT NOW to FIX THIS.” 🙂

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