Anonymiss in DC

{January 29, 2010}   More metro etiquette

I have been infuriated all week by metro suckiness.  Putting aside the fact that one or more trains break EVERY SINGLE DAY for NO APPARENT REASON, it is apparently once again time to discuss Metro manners. (More on this here. I will try to avoid repetition to the extent possible. Bear in mind, however, that some things are worth repeating…)

1.  You need to get off the train and it’s crowded, so you’re having trouble making your way to the door.   Say “Excuse me.” Got that one?  Screaming “COMING OUT” as if everyone around you is profoundly deaf (and as if no one else besides you is having difficulty moving) is not an acceptable strategy.

2.   You’re standing inside the car, and the doors open. This isn’t your stop. Please keep in mind the following:

a. You need to let other people get off the train.

b. If you do not let people through, they are likely to become belligerent.  They should ask you politely (See rule #1), and you should move.

c. When people are trying to slide by you,  do not put your purse, backpack, luggage, briefcase, duffel bag, lunchbox, or WHATEVER, directly in the flow of traffic.  This should go without saying.

3.  Those poles inside the cars? If it’s crowded, you cannot lean your entire body against those so no one else can hold onto them.  And don’t think it’s ok because you don’t make eye contact with anyone while you’re doing it. You’re still a jerk.

4.   Those loops hanging from the ceiling for people to hang onto? If you’re, say, 5’6″ or taller, hold onto one of those, and leave the poles/railings on the seats for those of us who are vertically challenged.

5.  Wearing a backpack in a crowded train? Try to avoid hitting people in the face with it.

6. Wearing a bulky coat? Like sitting with a wide stance like Larry Craig? Carrying groceries? Tough. You get ONE seat. ONE. UNO.

7. Going to play with your Blackberry/Ipod/Cell phone/Nintendo DS/Whatever on the train? Have fun.  Turn OFF your keypad volume.  The incessant, unnecessary beeping makes some of us feel violent. AND if said item plays music, WEAR headphones and make sure NO ONE ELSE BUT YOU hears what’s coming out of them.

8. If your phone rings and you don’t want to answer it, don’t sit and look at it.  Take it out and hit “Ignore” or turn the ringer volume off.

9. Sometimes escalators don’t work.  If you’re not in a station with an insanely long escalator (like Dupont Circle, for instance), then consider actually walking up them, even when they are not moving. It’s good for you.  If you are too  lazy and need to move toward another escalator, then try to avoid cutting other people off.  If this happens, again, there’s this helpful phrase: “Excuse me.” Try it sometime.

10. Step on the back of someone’s shoe going up the escalator? Say you’re sorry.

11. There’s a line of people behind you at the turnstile and your Smartrip card’s not working or you need to visit Exitfare? Say you’re sorry.

Metro hasn’t been a picnic lady and it doesn’t seem like that’s going to change anytime soon. So let’s all be adults and try our best to be considerate of one another.  Love.

There might be some hope one day- they are going to get a new General Manager soon.

Anonymiss in DC says:

I know, I’m SLIGHTLY overly bitter. But really. Some days I just want to start screaming. As if it weren’t bad enough that the trains break EVERY SINGLE DAY, people have to be impossibly rude.

1&2. Better yet, don’t move all the way in when you know you’re gonna get off soon anyways, and vice versa, go further in if you’re gonna be a while.
But don’t underestimate the volume of people’s headphones or ability to ignore people who *aren’t* shouting.

3. on the PATH people hurt you if you try to lean on a pole.
4. you’re being an idealist again dear. it’s more of a positional issue for that situation to occur.
5. i got whacked in the face on friday. made me remember this post.
6. *exceptions for really fat people. though fat people shouldn’t be sitting down anyways.
7&8. preach it
9. you better avoid cutting people off or we’ll simply plow you over. your fault for not paying attention.
10. usually the fault of the person you step on for not moving their feet fast enough. you don’t just stop on the f-ing stairs.
11. or fake like the turnstile’s broken so you don’t look retarded. 🙂 (sarah palin, you can kiss my ass)

Ooooh! Ooooh!

At stations where one platform is out of service (like Woodley Park), and there’s a long line of people trying to get up the use-as-stairs escalator while people are trying to get DOWN that same escalator — if you’ve got luggage? Either wait until everyone without luggage has gotten up, OR TAKE THE DAMN ELEVATOR.

No one can get past you in either direction when you’re lugging your giant case up the stairs. And you move fucking slow.

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