Anonymiss in DC

{April 29, 2011}   Yay Royal Wedding

I love this. It’s like a real live fairytale wedding. The church bells even sound like the wedding in Cinderella! And like any woman, I have my thoughts about all the outfits and so on and so forth and I feel like writing about them.

I must be the only person in the world who is not enchanted by Kate’s look. Don’t get me wrong. She’s beautiful. She’s glowing. She’s adorable.  But really? The whole fashion universe wanted the honor of designing that dress, and that’s what got picked?

I hate the front.  Either the darts aren’t laying right, or she’s not wearing a decent bra. I can’t decide. But it just lays funny, and the V makes it worse because it draws attention to it. And why on earth does she have to wear sleeves in the first place? Pippa’s not wearing sleeves, for Pete’s sakes! (More on Pippa in a second.)

Also, I hate the veil. It’s like slightly more elegant than the cheesecloth I put on my turkey last Thanksgiving (excepting the pretty lacy stuff at the ends.)

And Kate, darling, you always have such beautiful, long, sleek, glossy, feathery, voluminous layers; you remind me of one of those chicks in the shampoo commercials. It’s gorgeous. I would kill to walk around with my hair looking like that.  But today your hair looks like mine used to look when, for my ballet recitals, my mom spent inordinate amounts of time trying to curl it into elaborate ringlets and then hair sprayed it…. aaaand it went hopelessly limp on the car ride over.  The guys that did your hair are adorable, but I think that you should fire them for this one. Sorry. You are so much prettier than this!

Also could they have spared a few more flowers for your bouquet?

As for Pippa, she looks, well, stunning.  Not to sound like a bridezilla, but I would never ever EVER let my sister go to my wedding in a white dress, esp. a white dress prettier than mine. (Which reminds me, who wears white to someone else’s wedding anyway?) Sure, the scoop neck was a little much (poor Harry will never live down those wandering eyes), but she looks gorgeous. Love the dress, love the hair, love the smile as she escorts the adorable flower girls in. (They, by the way, are allowed to wear white.) Brava, Pippa.

As for William’s cousins, Beatrice and Eugenie, I nearly had a heart attack. They look like Cinderella’s ugly stepsisters! It’s like they tried to upstage Kate and Pippa, but instead are now the laughing stock of the entire world.  I actually kind of think Beatrice’s dress would make a super pretty dress coat and that she might look classy without the psychotic bow-on-crack stapled to her forehead.  And without the eyeliner.  It’s like she used a Sharpie. As for Eugenie, it looks like she went to a costume shop looking for something to wear for Once Upon a Mattress, and then at the last minute decided the skirt was too long so she faux hemmed it with duct tape in the limo. Which is cute… if you’re  four and playing dress up with Lady Gaga.

All right. That’s enough for now. Don’t hate me. I’m opinionated. I can’t help it. 😛

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